Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
will be placed entire in the printer instead of opened and left on the table—short a few sheets—to warp subtly due to ambient humidity and later jam the printer in a particularly unfixable way at the worst possible time. on pain of pain, when i am king, etc.
Friday, February 20, 2015
should be declared instead of left implicit, so that user control elements such as buttons don't move about maddeningly as objects load gradually from a slow server, causing one to click where one does not mean, in fact, to click. on pain of pain, when i am king, this is how it shall be.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Monday, January 20, 2014
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
will use helper text and contextual instructions to be be clear and explicit enough that the user will not find it necessary to use even a single separate set of instructions for completing a workflow—much less eight. my sympathies to the engineering team on exchange server, but my sympathies will not prevent them from being first against the wall when i am king.
Monday, August 20, 2012
will not force contortions for extra "security" where it is only questionably necessary. why have at minimum one letter, one number, and one non-letter, non-number character in a password for a service storing my cereal preference? also, let's be clear: 1) no one endorses repeating passwords across services, 2) services storing important data should have strong security (a single password, no matter how complicated, seems inadequate. give me multifactor). a sense of appropriateness and occasion is indispensable in diplomats and products both. when i am king, etc.
Friday, March 2, 2012
should declare a) its source, b) its unique identifier and the system in which that identifier is unique, c) a human-readable description of the error, that we may never again gnash our teeth and resist in a kingly fashion the urge to throw the monitor out of the window. when i am king, etc.
Monday, February 27, 2012
will publish a typesetting and bibliographic style file, so that we will not spend many hours fiddling with existing style files to do the work that the journals should have done to start with. when i am king, etc.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
will never be used in areas with constant water exposure, viz. backsplashes, bathrooms, sinks, counters of all varieties. and while we're on this topic, why do so many kitchens insist on stainless steel surfaces? that stuff watermarks at the drop of a hat. when i am king, etc.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
for generic things such as audio input and output will be prohibited, so that never again will we be stranded in an airport without the ability to listen to our livescribe pulse pen recordings because we assumed incorrectly that a regular pair of earbuds would work just fine. when i am king, etc.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
should never be served in a container that has been used for coffee or any other hot drink. the most carefully grown teas in the world are no match for the ghost of stale coffee grounds. expensive restaurants and their catering staff should know better. on pain of pain, etc.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
should be replicated for sequencing, so that presenters need not page backwards and forth through an enormous deck, muttering "i know the slide is in here somewhere...ah! here it is...no, i guess that's not it. well, i'll just talk through it," all the livelong day.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
should be locked in the same absolute location within the window, so that different-sized content doesn't make the user have to refocus on the navigation to proceed with the sequence. and while i'm here, to the power-washers stripping the paint off the building next door who are starting up the compressor now, at 5.45am EST: who do you think will be first against the wall when i am king, etc?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
of any viscosity will be required to have wide mouths and no shoulders, such that never again will anyone be late for an early meeting because the last droplets of honey were trapped in the rounded shoulder of the honey jar, beyond the reach of even the bendiest spoon.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
for prohibitively expensive meals will be gratis and well-made. and if not well-made, omitted. needless to say, if neither gratis nor well-made, the proprietor of the establishment should know that he is unwelcome in the kingdom, on pain of pain. when i am king, etc.
will feature truncated posts only if the truncation takes the form of a summary abstract or if the post consists mostly of bandwidth-intensive content (like autoplay videos, yet another no-no), such that never again will readers have to "click here" to read the article, thus disrupting their laboriously-streamlined feed reader strategy. when i am king, etc.
Monday, March 1, 2010
should be linked to rather than merely described, so that never again will i visit a webpage (page A) only to be told to visit another webpage (page B) to click on a link (to page C) that could have been linked to directly from page A. especially when the link to page C on page B has been moved to a different section of page B entirely. are you confused yet? i can't even describe it with my usual crispness and concision, is how ridiculous this is. this is a more general form of the last tirade, about attribution hyperlinks. when i am king, etc.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
will link to resources about the referent that are either appropriately canonical or intended to be so (yes, wikipedia sort of counts), such that quality data is always as few clicks away as possible. indeed this is an obscure edict but, when i am king, this is how it shall be.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
office computers used by minor functionaries will have only a few typefaces installed, all of which will be good ones. comic sans and paintbrush will be banned, on pain of pain, and text will be either underlined or emboldened for emphasis, never both. when i am king, this is how it shall be.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
will be coated with adhesives that adhere firmly but detach easily with force applied in a 45-degree angle, and without leaving behind a layer of gummy crud that somehow always turns black and can never be removed except with mineral spirits or a product such as goo-gone. when i am king, this is how it shall be.