sick people

will be banned from public spaces, classrooms, and places of work.
when i am king, etc.

after-dinner caffeinated beverages

for prohibitively expensive meals will be gratis and well-made. and if not well-made, omitted. needless to say, if neither gratis nor well-made, the proprietor of the establishment should know that he is unwelcome in the kingdom, on pain of pain. when i am king, etc.

blog feeds

will feature truncated posts only if the truncation takes the form of a summary abstract or if the post consists mostly of bandwidth-intensive content (like autoplay videos, yet another no-no), such that never again will readers have to "click here" to read the article, thus disrupting their laboriously-streamlined feed reader strategy. when i am king, etc.

URLs

should be linked to rather than merely described, so that never again will i visit a webpage (page A) only to be told to visit another webpage (page B) to click on a link (to page C) that could have been linked to directly from page A. especially when the link to page C on page B has been moved to a different section of page B entirely. are you confused yet? i can't even describe it with my usual crispness and concision, is how ridiculous this is. this is a more general form of the last tirade, about attribution hyperlinks. when i am king, etc.