toasted sandwiches

will only be served on wire racks or plates warmed to above the temperature of the sandwich, so that the soggy sandwich will be a thing of the past. when i am king, this is how it will be.

reams of paper

will be placed entire in the printer instead of opened and left on the table—short a few sheets—to warp subtly due to ambient humidity and later jam the printer in a particularly unfixable way at the worst possible time. on pain of pain, when i am king, etc.

webpage element sizes

should be declared instead of left implicit, so that user control elements such as buttons don't move about maddeningly as objects load gradually from a slow server, causing one to click where one does not mean, in fact, to click. on pain of pain, when i am king, this is how it shall be.

non-drip lips

will be a mandatory feature on pitchers, beakers, bottles, jars, and all such vessels. when i am king, this is how it shall be.